Critical Investigation First Draft Feedback

WWW: Knowledgeable about your topic with a range of quite detailed online research.

• Some good wider contexts incorporated
• Some good references to institution
• A strong sense of argument throughout with a convincing conclusion (although still needs improving)

EBI: Shorter paragraphs. Don't use "I" in an essay   

• Provide some detailed textual analysis of a specific scene from a violent game, using media language terminology.
• Research + Explain the theory of desensitisation.
• Include details about the size of the video game industry - its profits + its growth.
• You need at least EIGHT more books in works cited.
• Provide examples of moral panics in the media about video games with actual quotes. (Look in the Daily Mail)
• Include more on audience theories -explaining them and applying them to your issue (U&G, Gratifications, Reception Theory, Hypodermic Model, Copycat, etc)

Page 2:

WWW: Good textual analysis.

EBI: Check Vocabulary and Spelling. 

• Sentences are too long at times. 
• The paragraph is too long.
• Link to relevant debates regarding video gaming. 
• Moral Panics 
• Effect of globalisation

Page 3: 

WWW: Excellent use of media terminology and theory!

You have presented an equal description across a majority of MIGRAIN concepts.

EBI: You could've talked about the hypodermic needle model.

Introduce actual evidence of audience being desensitised.

Page 4:

WWW: All aspects of SHEP are covered very well, especially the impact video games have socially, political.

EBI: Perhaps link to more Historical and Economic factors regarding the video games industry.

Page 5:

WWW: In your conclusion, you talk about your overall idea about your overall idea about what the influence of violent video games has on people. 

EBI: You could still include some theories, for example, Dyers Theory on stereotypes.

• Audience or Narrative Theories

Bibliography Feedback: 

• Books must come first and in alphabetical order.
• Publisher details missing in some of the sources.
• The format isn't consistent throughout.
• Book title needs to be italic in books cited rather than underlined. 
• Moving Text doesn't include relevant information. Only displays the link.
• Format of Footnotes are sometimes inaccurate